Hi! I’m Susan. And I’ve decided to stop believing in myself.

“Umm… I don’t think that’s what you meant to say… “

No, you heard me right. I’ve spent my entire life trying to figure out exactly who I am. To be my authentic self. But turns out, there are a lot of “authentic” Susan’s. And they can vary wildly.

I’ve been a Mormon and an atheist. A confident alpha woman, and a woman that feels overwhelmed by her inadequacies. An entrepreneur and a worker bee. A designer, a writer, and a dancer. Fat and thin.

But here’s the thing. When I start to think of myself as any those things, I start to use them as my identity. Then I get very, very attached to them, and that’s when things get screwy.

By trying to fit inside these identities I find that I limit myself. I actually become less of who I am.

So I’ve decided to stop. Stop trying to define myself. And instead peel back the beliefs and identities I’ve carried around with me all this time.

It’s not about finding myself. It’s about continually letting go of who I think I should be.

Be that as it may, I do love to dig deep and look beyond the surface of things. I love to think and pursue truth. I love to figure things out, and then teach what I’ve learned. I’m pretty good at it too. It’s how I like to learn about the world and myself.

Here are some more things I’m a rock star at as well:

  • Dissecting abstract concepts (aka, figuring out what the hell things are)
  • Taking that mess and putting it into understandable chunks
  • Teaching others how simple and amazing the things I now understand really are!
  • Constantly making plans and/or thinking about better ways to make plans
  • Always starting new projects, and not always finishing them (I’m looking at you children’s story I’ve been working on for 10 years!)
  • Secretly plotting to teach the world to ballroom dance
  • Constantly striving to be fashionable, but only being able to pull off “that works alright I guess”
  • Always coloring my hair

These are just some of the things I like to discuss and write about. And through it all I hope to make people smile, break into occasional chuckles, think about life, and realize that letting go of who we think we are actually leads to some pretty fucking amazing discoveries.